Date of Last Revision: August 16, 2024
Acceptance of These Terms of Use
The News Hurts LLC (“The News Hurts,” “we,” “us,” or “our”) provides its services (described below) and related content through our website located at https://www.thenewshurts.com/ (the “Site”) and related technologies (collectively, the “Service”). By accessing, browsing, or otherwise using the Site or any features of the Service, you agree to these Terms of Use. If you do not accept these Terms of Use, you must not access, browse, or use the Service.
We reserve the right to modify these Terms of Use at our sole discretion. Changes will be posted on this page, and the “Date of Last Revision” will be updated. Material changes will be communicated through reasonable means, such as notifications on the Site, email, or pop-up notices. Continued use of the Service after changes take effect constitutes acceptance of the updated Terms.
PLEASE READ THESE TERMS CAREFULLY, AS THEY CONTAIN AN AGREEMENT TO ARBITRATE AND A CLASS ACTION WAIVER. THESE LIMIT YOUR LEGAL RIGHTS, INCLUDING YOUR ABILITY TO BRING CLAIMS IN COURT.
Your Privacy
We value your privacy. For details on how we collect, use, and share personal information, refer to our Privacy Policy at https://www.thenewshurts.com/privacy-policy.
Additional Terms
Certain features of the Service may have additional terms, which are incorporated into these Terms of Use by reference.
Access and Use of the Service
Service Description
The Service delivers content, satire, and related features.
Your Registration Obligations
You may need to register and provide accurate, current, and complete information to use certain features of the Service. If you are under 13, you are not authorized to use the Service. If you are under 18, you may use the Service only with parental or guardian consent.
Account Security
You are responsible for maintaining the confidentiality of your account credentials and are liable for activities under your account. Notify us immediately of any unauthorized access or security breaches.
Modifications to Service
We may modify, suspend, or discontinue the Service (or any part of it) without notice. We are not liable for any changes or discontinuation.
Conditions of Access and Use
Prohibited Conduct
You may not:
- Upload content that infringes intellectual property rights, contains viruses, is unlawful, or is otherwise objectionable.
- Interfere with the operation of the Service, circumvent security measures, or violate applicable laws.
- Use automated means (e.g., bots, scraping tools) to access the Service.
- Engage in commercial activities without prior authorization.
User Content
You retain ownership of content you submit to the Service but grant us a non-exclusive, royalty-free, perpetual, and irrevocable license to use, distribute, and modify such content in connection with the Service.
Advertisements
The Service may include advertisements. By using the Service, you agree to the display of such advertisements.
Mobile Services and Software
Mobile Services
Standard carrier charges may apply when accessing the Service via a mobile device.
Ownership of Software
All technology and software used in the Service are owned by The News Hurts or its licensors. You may not reverse-engineer or modify the software.
Intellectual Property Rights
Service Content
All content provided by The News Hurts, including text, graphics, logos, and code, is protected by intellectual property laws. You may not reproduce, modify, or distribute any part of the Service without permission.
Trademarks
“The News Hurts” and associated logos are trademarks of The News Hurts LLC. Use of these trademarks without permission is prohibited.
Third-Party Services and Websites
The Service may link to third-party websites or services. These are not endorsed by The News Hurts, and we are not liable for their content or practices. Review the terms and policies of any third-party services you use.
Indemnification
You agree to indemnify and hold The News Hurts and its affiliates harmless from claims, damages, or liabilities arising from your use of the Service or violation of these Terms.
Disclaimer of Warranties
The Service is provided “as is” and “as available.” We disclaim all warranties, express or implied, including those of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, and non-infringement.
Limitation of Liability
To the fullest extent permitted by law, The News Hurts is not liable for any indirect, incidental, or consequential damages arising from your use of the Service. Our total liability will not exceed $100 or the amount you have paid us in the last six months.
Dispute Resolution by Arbitration
Agreement to Arbitrate
You agree to resolve disputes through binding arbitration, waiving the right to a trial by jury or participation in a class action.
Procedures
Arbitration will be conducted under the rules of the American Arbitration Association (AAA). Visit https://www.adr.org for details.
Costs
The News Hurts will cover arbitration costs if they are deemed prohibitive relative to litigation.
Termination
We may terminate your access to the Service at our discretion, including for violations of these Terms.
Governing Law
These Terms are governed by the laws of the State of Illinois, excluding conflict-of-law provisions.
Notice for California Users
Under California Civil Code Section 1789.3, California residents may contact the Complaint Assistance Unit of the Division of Consumer Services at:
- Email: dca@dca.ca.gov
- Mail: 1625 North Market Blvd., Suite N 112, Sacramento, CA 95834
- Phone: (800) 952-5210
U.S. Government Restricted Rights
The Service is provided with “RESTRICTED RIGHTS.” Use by the U.S. government constitutes acknowledgment of our proprietary rights.
Questions? Concerns? Suggestions?
Contact us at legal@thenewshurts.com to report violations of these Terms or for inquiries.
The News Hurts: Satire with standards, for better or worse.